What Techniques Can I Use To Deal With Sexual Changes Associated With Cancer?

As a person moves beyond the initial phase of diagnosis and making treatment decisions, questions regarding other aspects of the person’s life become increasingly important. Often, such concerns include intimacy, sexuality, and sexual side effects during and after diagnosis and treatment. For some people, how-ever, sex is a difficult topic to talk about, both with their partners and with the medical team. Nonetheless, open communication can be an important factor in maintaining or regaining your sexuality.

Patients having surgery may experience a decrease in sex drive before surgery because they may be preoccupied with the upcoming treatment and, similarly, during the recuperation period. After surgery and during other treatments, they may experience body changes. These include adjusting to scars, removal of body parts (such as a mastectomy), or functions altered due to some types of treatments. Depending on the type of treatment, different varieties of sexual problems can result. Some people feel embarrassed about these changes to their bodies, particularly soon after surgery or medical treatment.

With time, they can become accustomed to possible body changes, particularly with assistance from medical professionals and by dis-cussing their concerns with the team and their partners. For example, once an incision has healed, it will not be hurt by touching or intimate activity.

If your partner is experiencing sexual changes, and these changes are significantly affecting both of you, this may be a good time to think creatively about sex and intimacy. Touching, caressing, oral and finger stimulation, and use of sexual paraphernalia are sometimes as arousing and stimulating as traditional sexual inter-course (or more so for some people). As you start to experiment, you may find new ways of pleasing your partner and new activities that you enjoy, too. Often, couples experience resurgence in loving feelings toward one another when they are faced with cancer. Focus on these feelings during lovemaking and sexual practice.

As a sexual partner, you may sometimes be in conflict about whether to initiate sexual contact with the patient. Some significant others have avoided any and all mention of sex for fear of offending the patient. We have heard spouses say that they feel guilty for having sexual desires while their loved one is ill. Avoiding healthy sexual expression may not be healthy for your relationship, particularly if it was an important part of your lives before the cancer. Sexual desire is a healthy, natural aspect of human existence.

Talk about your feelings with your partner. Perhaps your desire is very flattering even though he or she may not be feeling particularly physically desirable. If sexual expression is not possible, for any reason, do not push the issue. Show your love by touch and words until the patient is ready.

Patients may be particularly sensitive to initiating intimate relationships with new sexual partners. Beginning sexual expression will take time, and each situation is different. Patients and their partners should listen to themselves and follow their instincts. Also, keep in mind that sexual adjustment, under any circumstance, starts with being informed and with learning good communication skills.

If you and your loved one continue to have questions or experience problems, you may want to contact a physician or a therapist who specializes in treating sexual issues. Prescription treatments are available to help with maintaining erection or lubricants for improving vaginal lubrication. Preventive measures, such as using vaginal dilators for women undergoing radiation therapy to the pelvic region (which can make the vaginal walls constrict), or surgical procedures, such as reconstruction, may be possible also for some types of sexual dysfunction.