My Wife Had Cancer, The Doctor Suggested Was That She Stop Smoking

After telling my wife she had cancer, one of the first things the doctor suggested was that she stop smoking. She’s tried in the past, but it hasn’t worked. How can I help her?

It’s not easy to give up tobacco use. It’s all the more difficult when there is a physical dependency involved. Many people who use tobacco find the drug nicotine to be powerfully addictive. Some smokers can just quit cold turkey; many others, however, have to make numerous attempts before they successfully quit and put the tobacco use behind them once and for all. There are many methods to assist people to quit smoking, however, and your encouragement can be an important part of her support system. By now, your loved one has probably understood the message that smoking is bad for her, and the sooner she quits, the better.

She may not know, however, that no matter how long she might have smoked, quitting now can have real health benefits. Some people assumethat after a certain point, it’s too late to help, but this is not true. Ask about her thoughts regarding quitting or not quitting, but don’t preach or criticize. Rather than trying to provide her with the “correct” information, it’s more important to understand, from her point of view, her smoking and her difficulty with quitting. Gently ask her what the reasons are for her smoking, and what her barriers are to quitting. After listening to what she has to say, follow up by asking her what she thinks you can do to help. Being a supportive partner requires you to be non-judgmental. Nagging and confronting the smoker with threats will only undermine your ability to help.

Ultimately, it’s her decision to make. Being a positive influence—offering praise and encouragement, rewarding her for the progress she makes, however small, helping her to find other ways of relieving the stress that may be causing her to smoke in the first place—is a much better way of showing how much you care for her, whether she quits or not. Social support is a tremendous asset in helping someone to quit smoking. You can recruit other family members and friends to provide more positive reinforcement for your wife. There are also smoking cessation programs that can provide individual or group-based counseling and support. You can probably find these services at your local major medical center or through such national organizations as the American Cancer Society and the American Lung Association.

Nicotine replacement therapy (such as “the patch,” nicotine gum, inhalers that look like cigarettes, or nasal spray), counseling, and Zyban? or Chantix? (presc medications) are available and have been shown to improve a person’s chances of successfully quitting. Behavioral techniques also can be particularly effective. When a tobacco craving occurs, simply waiting five minutes, drinking a glass of water, or finding another distraction will allow the craving to pass with-out choosing to smoke a cigarette. Additionally, changing routines that lead to smoking and avoiding “hot spots” for smoking can be tremendously helpful in stopping cravings.

For example, if your wife smokes during her morning routine, such as when she’s drinking coffee, she can change her morning routine to disrupt the link to smoking (perhaps by having her coffee later in the morning). Or, if she tends to smoke in bars or on breaks at work, she can avoid these pressure situations for a while until she has successfully quit and can better resist temptation. Keep in mind that people often try to quit many times before they are eventually successful. If your wife tries and then “fails,” try to help her see this temporary quitting as a partial success rather than a total failure.

Encourage her to try again when she is ready, and since she has had practice quitting before, the next time may be even easier. If she has been hospitalized for a while and cannot smoke, the admission can be the jump-start to a long-term attempt at quitting. Also, if you also use tobacco (even cigars, pipes, or chewing tobacco), quitting together might give you both the extra support you need.