Children of all ages often ask the “hard” questions that adults have learned not to blurt out. For example, sometimes the first question out of a younger child’s mouth after being told a parent has cancer is “Is Mommy (or Daddy) going to die?” This is the hard one.
Not only can it bring up tremendous feelings of fear and anxiety in you, but it is also the time when most parents want to reassure their child (and them-selves) that everything is going to be okay and that, of course, Mommy (or Daddy) will not die, will never die.
However, this is simply not true. Just as flowers and pets will die, everyone dies at some point. While it is important that you reassure your child, do not misrepresent the truth. You can say something like, “Yes, Mommy does have cancer. However, she is getting the best treatment and seeing the best doctors who are going to try everything to fight this cancer. Everyone dies someday, but we are going to battle this cancer with all our might.”
If they have known someone else to die from cancer, you need to reassure them that this is not necessarily going to happen to their mother. Give your child age-appropriate specifics about the cancer and treatment, including how Mom’s cancer is different from other situations your child may know about (such as a grandmother who died of cancer).