In seeing anxiety as a disorder (e.g., “he has panic attacks” or “he suffers from obsessive-compulsive dis-order”), we miss other ways in which anxiety can shape a personality. This type of anxiety becomes more of a stance we take to survive. For example, a man who seems self-centered and entitled (narcissistic) becomes anxious when attention shifts away from himself; therefore, he strategically places himself in the center of action.
He may boast, fail to relate or listen to others, or listen but be mainly interested in how he may use others for his own advancement, all to confirm his own special nature. In so doing, he alleviates his own anxiety of fearing abandonment or feeling small and unimportant.
Those acutely anxious about separation (sometimes called borderline) fear being alone. Couples may often find that they fight the night before one is to leave the other, with one of the couple threatening to hurt himself or herself in response to being left. This hijacking behavior keeps couples deeply connected, thus avoiding the feared abandonment. A thief may steal to avoid feeling deep tides of unworthiness.
This anxiety characterizes shoplifters who steal items of trivial monetary value, demonstrating to themselves that they feel deserving of these objects. A more flamboyant, attention-seeking (otherwise known as histrionic) character may deeply fear being forgotten, which translates to feeling unloved.
Her large displays of unforgettable behavior leave her always remembered, if not endeared. An obsessive-compulsive person may feel dirty or bad and may engage in highly calculated behavior to undo these feelings. Washing her hands alleviates the dirty feeling; constantly checking the stove or the lock can undo her feelings of explosive rage. Those who avoid social situations may, in their hearts, assume their perceived inevitable rejection ahead of time and thus avoid public events.