My adult daughter always seems to be complaining of being in pain or fatigue and generally not feeling well. I don’t think she is trying hard enough. Are her “unseen” symptoms real? If so, what can I do to help her?
Yes, most likely her symptoms are real. Listening to your daughter’s complaints may be making you feel frustrated and helpless, particularly if this has been going on for a while and progress has been slow. Sometimes, in order to reduce their own feelings of not being able to help, family and friends try to minimize the situation.
However, no one can say how much pain, fatigue, or distress your daughter feels, except your daughter herself. It is very important that you believe what your daughter is saying, particularly about her pain, because when people in pain think that no one believes them, this increases their distress.
As a result, they may stop telling others exactly what is happening with their pain, which then makes the pain more difficult to control. Most pain can be relieved to the degree that allows patients to live a reasonable life, though it may require patience and persistence to find the right regimen. Sometimes pain is directly connected with a cancer tumor, which when treated through surgery, radiation therapy, and/or chemotherapy, reduces the source of the pain itself. Medication, including analgesics like acetaminophen and ibuprofen, as well as more powerful opioid drugs like morphine and oxycodone, can be used on a regular basis to prevent pain from beginning, in addition to keeping it under control.
And there is a host of other measures—from warm baths and hot water bottles to relaxation exercises and training in guided imagery—that will not only help to reduce your daughter’s feelings of pain, but will also help to increase her sense of control with regard to it. Talking about her pain in detail and on a regular basis should not be thought of as “dwelling on it,” but as a necessary way of getting accurate information to the medical team members so that they can effectively and promptly treat it.
Psychological distress is common among people in pain. And, it is also possible that there are other psychological issues, such as depression and anxiety, which are contributing to your daughter’s expressions of pain and fatigue. To support the person with cancer, it is better to address psychological factors separately from her physical complaints, at least in the beginning. We’ve outlined else-where how to evaluate emotional distress in your loved one, ways to gauge the seriousness of the dis-tress, and options for treatment .
The person with cancer first needs to know that she has a care partner she can trust, someone who hears her specific complaints and is working with her to find solutions. If your daughter’s pain continues, help her communicate this to her doctor and persist in finding methods of relief. Since our expertise as social workers does not focus on the management of physical symptoms and possible treatment side effects, we suggest that you or your daughter contact the doctor’s office immediately if new or unresolved symptoms occur.