I sometimes feel that I am doing too much for my father. The doctors and the physical therapist say he needs to do more for himself, including walking, preparing meals, and other things. How can I allow my father to do these things without feeling that I am neglecting him?
A cancer diagnosis and treatments change a person’s body, sometimes making it difficult to resume past activities. Sometimes these changes are permanent, but sometimes physical changes such as fatigue or weakness can be improved. Ask your father’s doctor and physical therapist what they mean, exactly, when they say they want him “to do more for himself.”
Ask them to help establish reasonable and specific goals for your father, in order to increase his activity slowly. The most important part of this process is how your father feels about his own abilities. Sometimes patients worry about physical symptoms, or fear that they will hurt themselves. Find out what he believes his limitations are and why he has them. If his concerns are medical in nature, try to have the medical team address them with him directly.
Then you can work out a plan with your father on how to get him to do the activities the medical team recommends. Be flexible. It may take time, or trial periods of alternative or intermediate activities, before your father reaches the goals you’ve agreed upon. But by making your father a partner in the process, you help enhance his self-esteem and relieve yourself of feeling fully responsible for his recovery.