Our lives have been out of control since my partner was diagnosed with cancer. How can we regain some control?
Loss of control is a common feeling for people with cancer. Most aspects of their lives are going to be disrupted, at least temporarily. People with cancer may feel that their own body has turned against them and that body functions that were once automatic may now be less in their control. They may have difficulty with altered bowel movements, appetite and weight change, pain, and/or when surgery and other treatments change their bodies. Attending medical appointments, dealing with insurance, and handling many other issues disrupt usual routines.
The side effects of treatment (e.g., nausea, fatigue, and weight changes) may affect their—and your—ability to socialize or participate in usual activities. These disruptions associated with cancer diagnosis leave some people feeling frustrated and depleted. Try to remind your partner and yourself that many of these disruptions are temporary and will subside. Be aware that concerns about control in some areas sometimes lead a person to believe that all things are out of his or her control.
This simply is not true. Some ways to help yourself include focusing on what you can control, including engaging in enjoyable activities (either old or new ones), asking for assistance when needed, and learning about other ways that you can help yourself. Remember that learning more about the disease, its treatment, and the side effects of treatment can be important steps toward normalizing your life and taking back control. You will know what is expected and when to seek medical attention, making the process seem more in your control and less intimidating.