If we experience a fear of inadequacy, we fear that our efforts will be viewed as imperfect. These fears speak to our wish to perform ideally.
In an extreme form, we become perfectionistic and obsessive-compulsive. The wish to be flawless can be so powerful that, paradoxically, it leads us to procrastinate. The stalling allows us to imagine that we could create the perfect project (an impossibility) when we start; therefore, when our project meets criticism, it becomes instead a function of not having enough time. We trick ourselves into thinking that if we only had more time, it could be ideal.
Procrastination, in turn, can lead to a withholding personality style. We delay the delivery of a project with the idea that we will do it perfectly at some point. In the meanwhile, we delay delivery of the material in a passively sadistic style to the person who wants it.
This pattern attempts to make the intended recipient suffer (feel withheld from love and praise), much as we felt when we felt so devalued or imperfect when receiving criticism for our earlier efforts.
Rick’s comments: I identify very strongly with the idea that a need to be perfect, or to do something perfectly, can lead to procrastination. When I make mistakes, even minor ones, it seems to go right to the core of my sense of self, validating every negative thought I have about who I am.
My pattern is to be repetitious, both in what I do and in what I avoid doing, sticking with the things I have a history of succeeding at, rather than attempting things at which I could (oh, no!) fail, and putting off the things, procrastinating, that I’m not sure I will do well.
I’ve occasionally heard alcoholics described as “failed perfectionists,” and I imagine this term applies to men and women with other types of addictions and to OCDers like me who, having sustained the wound of even a minor mistake or flaw in oneself, can’t seem to stop the bleeding.