In the beginning, a diagnosis can reasonably consume a lot of time and energy. After the initial crisis and treatment decisions are made, it is important to allow other aspects of your lives to regain importance. Granted, if a future crisis arises, less urgent things are put on the back shelf—but it is important to keep life as normal as possible. For example, you can also identify some people as “fun activity partners,” meaning people that you can just be with, without necessarily talking about the cancer. Go to the movies, go out to dinner, or play golf with these people.
Identify other supporters and good distractions in your life, such as attending religious services, going to work, spending time with your family and friends, or taking up a new hobby or class. Do small things for yourself, like buying something fun and spontaneous—a CD from a completely new artist, or a new electronic gadget, maybe even a gossip magazine; your loved one may want to do the same. Ask yourselves what you love in your lives and what you enjoy the most. After you identify these things, do them. Now. Live life! Tell yourselves, “We are fighting for life, so let’s take time to enjoy the very thing we are fighting for.”
Despite the seriousness of their cancer diagnosis, many patients and their family members find that humor is crucial to feeling more normal again. Do not forget to laugh. More importantly, do not forget how to laugh.
Humor and laughter can defuse tense situations and can be great stress relievers. Find humor and laughter in different places: identify a particularly funny person in your life and spend time with him or her, go to a comedy movie, watch humorous cartoons, read a book from the humor section of the library, or even go to a live comedy show.
If you find it hard to do such things, do still try them, and remember to focus on the moment as much as you can. It will help you enjoy the jokes and laugh, lighten your mood, and take your mind off the more serious things for a while.
Tips for managing stress and better coping
- Learn more about the diagnosis and treatments.
- Identify and evaluate past coping techniques: Did they work in the past? Will they work again?
- Utilize the support of friends, family, and colleagues.
- “Be in the moment.” Focus on the here and now.
- Adjust yourself to new limits.
- Exercise and be active.
- Find ways to relax.
- Live your life, remember to laugh, and maintain hope.
And no matter what comes your way, try to maintain hope. Hope for the things you feel are vital in your life. Many people hope for doing something special they have planned with family and friends. Others find hope in spiritual and religious realms. Identify what you and your partner hope for, even though this may change over time. Keep this thing in mind because it will help you to remember what you are living for. Table 2 provides some helpful tips.
Mark’s comment:
Even during treatment, patients are still people who have lives. During treatment or after treatment, if they really want to live their life, then let them—don’t try to wrap them in bubble wrap to protect them.
If they want to go sky diving, pay for it! If they want to go skiing, let them—and a new set of skis is always a great gift. The only thing you should insist upon is that when they go off skiing, they need to at least let you know they’re going so you don’t get worried by their sudden disappearance (which is what my mother did to me and my sister—scared us silly, because we had no idea where she’d gone!).
Encourage them to spend their money— even if it is your inheritance; they deserve it. Oh yeah, and if they feel like buying a Crown Vic police interceptor . . . like my mother did . . . just know that it’s a very fast car!