I have heard that “positive thinking” can help cure cancer. Does this mean I should discourage my wife from thinking negatively?
Comment from Jean (a 46-year-old high school teacher, diagnosed with colon cancer): Sometimes I don’t feel so positive, and the rest of my family gets upset with me when I express negative thoughts, such as speculating whether the surgery and treatments actually will work, or sometimes wondering whether it is worth going through all this. Now, I am not only feeling guilty about having negative thoughts because I may be hurting my chances of survival, but I also feel that I am letting my family down. One of the most common questions from patients and their family members is about the role of “positive thinking.”
As discussed in Did Stress Or Depression Cause The Cancer, research has not yet found a conclusive cause-and-effect relation-ship between positive thinking, personality characteristics and/or coping styles and cancer development, diagnosis, or prognosis. The relationship between mental events and physical events is not clearly understood. Thinking negatively or positively has not been proven to directly affect cancer growth or to cure cancer.
Sometimes people believe that thinking positively all the time is necessary. Consequently, they then feel guilty when they cannot perform this impossible task, because they think that they are negatively affecting their health or chances of survival by periodically having a negative attitude. However, it is unrealistic to expect any person to be upbeat all of the time. Even though positive thinking may not directly affect someone’s cancer, many people find that maintaining a hopeful, positive outlook does make them feel better. Positive thinking can help decrease distress, which in turn can make a person better able to handle treatments and possible side effects. People can help them-selves through difficult times by viewing life as worth living, seeking enjoyment, connecting with others, and seeing themselves as fighters who will survive.
Remember, however, that trying to think positively all the time is simply not possible and can itself cause undue stress. When a person with cancer expresses negative emotions such as fear and sadness, people around them often will try to support them with quick statements like, “Don’t think/feel that way! You’ll be okay!” Although the patient indeed may have misconceptions about his or her disease, or inadequate information, statements like these from others can make the person with cancer feel as though he or she is not being heard. The person feels that what he or she says is being devalued and dismissed.
Of course, it is difficult to hear a loved one express negative emotions. However, this may be a necessary step for him or her to come to terms with the diagnosis and the life changes that follow. Allowing your loved one to be truthful may be the most important thing you do as a caregiver.